mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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