He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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