Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
