when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
