first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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