Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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