what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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