Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They have beer where we have blood.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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