We're facebook friends in real life
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize