hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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