My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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