you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
