I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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