Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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