When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
