my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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