Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
