if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
