You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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