FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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