why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
