I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
