i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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