white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize