I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
