The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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