dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
