Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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