There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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