We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
