it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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