My Higher Power is John Stamos
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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