We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
