My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize