Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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