i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
