Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
