we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
