You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
