dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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