i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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