just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
