I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
