there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
