Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
