ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
