You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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