I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
