Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
