is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
