your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
