I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
