i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize