Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
