I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
