That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
