dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
