This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
