I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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