I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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