i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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