I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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