I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
