I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
