he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
