I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
