hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you guys were way drunker than both of me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
