Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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