hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
