I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
