she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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