just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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