Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
