I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
