THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
