Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
