It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
