there's paper in my vomit.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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