Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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