NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
