We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
